Ides of August

What's an Ide. It's not a None or a Kalend. Well I'm glad that's cleared that up.

It's the middle of a Roman month; Julius Caesar; Caesed to be on the 15th of March. Not fortuitous.

Decapitated But Still Talking 

   I was talking to GOD the other day. As loonies do. He said that you need to look for him in the mundane. I am beginning to understand. It's about generosity, hard work, and politeness. Going against the flow. All of the things that get a bad press. Or no press at all. Not very exciting are they.

I am a disembodied spirit.

There I am

Florid. What's going on in the porch? Colour bombs.

This is as very bad year so far. Everything is hexed and vexed. After much bile and uric acid accumulating in functional corners of the brain I await the next debacle. I haven't seen Jacob for nearly two weeks. I allowed Loreto to see him during July, in spite of the fact that, according to the agreement that was signed, I had sole custody for that month. Now, in August I haven't seen him once.

In a moment of madness, at the end of July, I lent her my car so that her children could be ferried about in August. Of course, getting the car back when I needed it was almost impossible; she hid it in a nearby hospital car park. Now, contravening the agreement that was signed, but which has yet to be ratified by a judge, she says that I won't be able to see him until the end of September. This is very difficult to bare, senseless and cruel to Jacob.

Anyone who read this blog without knowing the main characters would surely be trying to read between the lines by now. They would be thinking; "yes, but there must be more to it than that. He must have done something despicable, something reprehensible, something nasty. But I have come to the conclusion that I am neurotic and she is psychopathic. Somebody who thinks he is to blame for everything versus somebody who has no empathy with anybody or anything. I believe that I have been the paragon of a good father, constrained by what I am and my limitations. I have done my best, swallowed my pride, bitten my tongue and arrived at the conclusion that, some people are just plain bad, evil. I would prefer to describe things euphemistically, but it's no longer possible. It's like "fairly perfect". Something is perfect or not. It doesn't admit qualification.

A fruit. A tomato in the porch. A good sign

Water, heat, care, pruning. The metaphor is there for the exploiting.

Waterfulls

 Went hiking last weekend. Saw a waterfall that falls into the sea. We went at night with torches and sleep aforethought to watch the shooting stars on top of a mountain. The meteorite shower, which lasts about 3 days is known as Saint Lorenzo's Tears.

The latest vision

Finished Crime and Punishment by JK Rowling. The anti-hero somehow manages to expiate his crime. He goes to Siberia but his girlfriend goes too. He´s out in 8 years and then it's a family on the frozen tundra. Not sure if Lenin banned Dostoevsky or not. I guess not because it's one of those you can interpret any way you want.

Latest book is, "Lionel Asbo, state of England". I feel obliged to read anything by Martin Amiss since he writes such brilliant prose. Back to the terrain of John Self and Nicola Six in "Money". An easy read.

Today's poem:

 

"I Am Not Yours"

I am not yours, not lost in you, Not lost, although I long to be Lost as a candle lit at noon, Lost as a snowflake in the sea. You love me, and I find you still A spirit beautiful and bright, Yet I am I, who long to be Lost as a light is lost in light. Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out My senses, leave me deaf and blind, Swept by the tempest of your love, A taper in a rushing wind.